Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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