If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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