i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
