I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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