Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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