So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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