i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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