Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drake has all the answers
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
