wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
