even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
