Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
