I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
