I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My feet surprised me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
