in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
