I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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