You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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