last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
