so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
