More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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