i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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