She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
