remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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