Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
