you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
