Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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