our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
