she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's the barista slut.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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