Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
