lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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