He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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