i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
