A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
