Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
