this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
