you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want to be your penis for a week.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
