I CAN MOONWALK!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
BRING THE BAGELS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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