i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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