Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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