can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
