Christians are straight up FREAKS
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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