Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
