just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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