I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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