A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
