I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
