i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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