Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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