I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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