he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
