Whod you bang
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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