I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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