I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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