Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
