i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
