The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
