I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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