I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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