i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They have beer where we have blood.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
