No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
